Back I Go…
Back I go, into the void - to see all my friends and enemies,
to see the places i remember, and all the things
that turn my head inside out. inside out is where i am best,
at my peak and and at length of my pinnacle.
surreal and weird is what i do best, and is where i belong.
you see, i’m a bit of a loner - but amongst other loners,
in a lonely place, i excel and become myself again.
I will return, triumphant and in control - in arms with my brothers,
having finished what i started, in desolation. creating that gem,
that might one day expand outwards,
across the whole fucking planet.
Goodbye Dallol
Everyone here has one thing in common. We’re all insane. People are expatriates for lots of reasons; some people like being the big fish in the small pond, some people love the job, some people have to fulfill responsibilities and nobly sacrifice, and some people want the adventure. A weird and wonderful bunch that pull together somehow and make a difference, even though we’re all really here for that “old moneybag” - STILL doing stuff on the side to help out, despite the horridness. Strong human comrades. Ethiopia will never be the same again, and we’ve helped. I am proud of that, and I guess it’s been worth fucking up my own life to see the differences we’ve made, and will make.
Dallol will stay with me forever, but for now, it’s time to go and make sense of my own poverty, things and people i’m missing - and regain myself.
I don’t care about jobs, careers, or money. I just want you.
Я - человек
one little thing and things turn sour, over nothing. then everything goes awry. Distance is not for the faint hearted. Especially if you love somebody. Normal things become distorted. facial expressions can speak a thousand words and expose the limitations of daily contact over skype, and facebook. the gaps of affection and normal body language are replaced by paranoia, fear and depression. voices and words are replaced by keystrokes and emoticons. a shallow, limted alternative for anything tangible. This is what i hate: not being able to do a single material thing about it. I am neither able to alter my situation for now, or change my feelings.
The best bit about it is that when I get back every little touch, every word and every smile means so much more. It’s true that you cannot feel the happiest joy without feeling the most deep pain. AND i’m going back for good. real soon. and i know we’re going to be ultra inseparable when that happens.
